theboldgivers - how to attract the right person

When you commit to becoming the person you wish to attract, you’ll increase your chances of crossing path with someone who’s on that same transformational journey. In other words, you attract the one by becoming the one.

My wife has this story of how when she gave me her phone number for the time, it was the things I posted on my personal blog that made her resonate with me. Back then I used to post about my newfound love of healthy food, the music I liked and my humble opinions. What she didn’t know is that I wasn’t always that person. Like you I had received that magical piece of advice and decided to become who I’d always wanted to attract. I didn’t fully get there but lo and behold, on my way there I met her.

Now, you could do all the transformations in the world and still meet no one. If that’s you, you’re not strange or impossible to date. It could simply be that like most people, you’ve been marketing yourself the wrong way.


Be An Experience, Not A List Of Attributes

Can you tell me how many holes are in your belt? Or how thick are the dents in your zip? You probably don’t care. But you do care about it feels to use these tools, don’t you?

It’s because our strongest opinions of people and things is dictated by our experience of them.

  • If walking beside you makes other people look at me with admiration, I might be very tempted to walk with you again.
  • If talking to you makes me feel interesting, guess what? I’ll hunt you down in a crowd just to say hello.

See where I’m going? Whatever you think are, whatever attributes you have and whatever you have achieved, is of lesser importance than how the people around you feel about that.

So in addition to becoming the person you wish to meet, it is important that when you interact with a potential “One”, that you make them have a feel of what it could be like to be with this person you have become. In the ways of Steve Jobs, sell “A thousand songs in your pocket”, not “A 32MB music player”. For example,

  • Instead of telling your lady friend how many businesses you own, try to pick her brain about a simple business decision.
  • Instead of shouting from every roof top what charities you’re part of, organise a volunteering date with your potential “One”.

One of the many benefits of this approach is that it will weed out those who are genuinely not interested in the idea of getting to know you more, and clearly reveal those who are.

As always, be honest, be natural.


Rounding Up

  1. Features are cheap: There are many other bearded guys like you.
  2. Experiences are your sweet spot: Become who you want to attract, and let the people around you feel it. Don’t stop at just shouting it.

” I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ” -Maya Angelou

Bonus Reading

Difference by Bernadette Jiwa